The halls of MSOM are buzzing about a MAJOR Announcement pending in early December! Everyone is atwitter with excitement as speculation and conjecture grows to a fever pitch. The following conversation was overheard in the MSOM waiting area:
“Did you hear about this big announcement they’re gonna make?”
“Yeah. But they already bought the couches and brought out the coffee-maker. What could be bigger than that?”
“I heard Matt is starting a ‘Wham!’ tribute band called ‘Careless Whisper’ and he’s gonna play Key-tar; I spoke to Chris and he said Matt has been embezzling funds to buy George Michael’s trench coat – the one he was wearing when he got arrested”
“Can’t be right. That trench coat costs more than his Matt’s Miata! He told me the money was for a bedazzler to spangle some tee-shirts that say “Choose Life” and the name of the band will be Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
“No, no, no. You’re waaaaaay off! Chris’s long standing rivalry with Tommy Lee is well known. I have it on good authority he’s having a thumb and forefinger grafted on just below his right elbow so he can do a seven stroke roll and a flamadiddle at the same time! Plus, he’ll be able to do a three stick twirl – he’s gonna stream the surgery on youtube too. After Nick Mars sees that he will be forced to hire Chris for the next Crüe tour. Then once that is done he figures he can make a comfortable living in the Circus.”
“You’re both nuts. Its very simple. Anthony just got hired to Horn Tech for Candy Dulfer on her comeback tour. Chris and Matt are such huge fans that they’re closing the school to follow the tour. They said they were gonna sell grilled cheese sammiches and ‘Mean People Suck’ bumper stickers at the shows. I guess the tour dates are mostly in Denny’s parking lots in Oklahoma.”
“Jeez! You People will believe ANYTHING. They’re starting a clinic for Noode-Itis sufferers. The principal therapy will be forcing guitarists to sight-read. The big expense will be to buy shockcollars for the Aversion Therapy Room.”
“Is that right? Is it true that Mike is ‘Patient Zero’ and they’ve been doing experimental trials on him?”
“Naw. He’s past saving. He caught it at a Honeymoon Suite concert when he was 13 and the guy he caught it from got it from Ted Nugent. They’re gonna focus their resources on the next generation of string benders so Vinnie Vincent Invasion will never happen again.”
“Thats nuts- they’re training a monkey to sub for Mike at gigs when he can’t get the time off from his toilet scrubbing job.”
“I’ve heard all these rumors. They all seem so plausible! I guess we’ll all find out for sure very soon…..”
Stay Tuned for our Major Announcement!
Don’t forget to come out The Loft on Friday, December 14th!!!!